A fine day it had begun. I do not know why after so many years of dating, I had butterflies flying in my stomach that morning. “Out of practice” I thought. I had a date that day.
About this girl I will not say much. Just that I had only been talking to her for about 4 months online. I had never spoken to her in person before. I had seen her a couple of times but had always decided against speaking thinking how awkward it would be. Well now I think I should have.
That day was probably the most awkward date of my life. I had nothing to talk about with the girl. I almost knew everything about her, family, friends, interests, etc. in the past 4 months of online chatting. For the first time in my life I was in that kind of a tight corner.
I tried to make useless conversation with her thinking that she might pick up something interesting in it; but that did not happen. What happened was that I was making a fool of myself.
I was sure at one moment that she must be counting chickens in her mind to pass time just as I was doing. With about 5 years of dating experience I put my knowledge of women to the test. I wanted to know if I had lost “my touch” with women.
At the very instant I realized something. I should talk about something common between us. Even though most people would disagree on talking about such an issue on the first date, but I had no option. I started talking. About “Women”.
Probably this was the best part of the date. We were finally talking. And just as we were about to call it a day, she said something to me which I will remember all through my life. “This is the first time I am talking to a guy so much I have met for the first time”.
Trust me people I have never felt the world a simpler place in my life. I came back that day without saying much to her. After that I have hardly talked to her but those words are still crystal clear to me. A fine day I said to myself that night. And I meant it.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Small little thing
In this time when all of us are busy trying to make our way inside the small world, when all spend sleepless nights to study to outdo the other in exams, when all detest the heat of the morning sun, when all stand united to enjoy an otherwise a very ordinary day, I stand apart.
Nor am I left with the urge to make it big in this world, neither to get a perfect score. Pleasure and pain leave no meaning in my mind and joy seems just a light moment passing by.
Is this what it feels like to lose hope? Is this what everybody means when they say you are a looser? Will I fail like all say? But why is it always me? Why am I the one to eat the rotten apple?
So many questions pass me by. I sit in my class room with dozens of others, all chatting, studying, and fooling around. I watch them all pass by. Time comes and goes like a sea tide just to touch my feet. I feel them pass by.
What I do or why I do, I have no answer to it. I know my days pass like seconds. My months pass in the blink of the eye. But where do they go? I am wasting my time, but I am not responsible. I do not know who to tell. I do not know who to express. Then again do I want to tell? Am I enjoying this state of mine? Do I like this self pity feeling?
Do I seek the truth? If yes, then what truth? What do I seek in life? What is it my destiny holds? Do I die of poverty and grief or do I make it a big illiterate?
I seek many a things in emptiness. I seek happiness. I seek money. I seek power. I seek love. I seek fame. I seek passion. I seek wisdom. But at the end will I get what I want? Will my strange path in life lead to a highway to success or a small mud road to show me a little brook to sit by and enjoy the fineness of life?
Nor am I left with the urge to make it big in this world, neither to get a perfect score. Pleasure and pain leave no meaning in my mind and joy seems just a light moment passing by.
Is this what it feels like to lose hope? Is this what everybody means when they say you are a looser? Will I fail like all say? But why is it always me? Why am I the one to eat the rotten apple?
So many questions pass me by. I sit in my class room with dozens of others, all chatting, studying, and fooling around. I watch them all pass by. Time comes and goes like a sea tide just to touch my feet. I feel them pass by.
What I do or why I do, I have no answer to it. I know my days pass like seconds. My months pass in the blink of the eye. But where do they go? I am wasting my time, but I am not responsible. I do not know who to tell. I do not know who to express. Then again do I want to tell? Am I enjoying this state of mine? Do I like this self pity feeling?
Do I seek the truth? If yes, then what truth? What do I seek in life? What is it my destiny holds? Do I die of poverty and grief or do I make it a big illiterate?
I seek many a things in emptiness. I seek happiness. I seek money. I seek power. I seek love. I seek fame. I seek passion. I seek wisdom. But at the end will I get what I want? Will my strange path in life lead to a highway to success or a small mud road to show me a little brook to sit by and enjoy the fineness of life?
Monday, August 3, 2009
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