Small little thing

In this time when all of us are busy trying to make our way inside the small world, when all spend sleepless nights to study to outdo the other in exams, when all detest the heat of the morning sun, when all stand united to enjoy an otherwise a very ordinary day, I stand apart.
Nor am I left with the urge to make it big in this world, neither to get a perfect score. Pleasure and pain leave no meaning in my mind and joy seems just a light moment passing by.
Is this what it feels like to lose hope? Is this what everybody means when they say you are a looser? Will I fail like all say? But why is it always me? Why am I the one to eat the rotten apple?
So many questions pass me by. I sit in my class room with dozens of others, all chatting, studying, and fooling around. I watch them all pass by. Time comes and goes like a sea tide just to touch my feet. I feel them pass by.
What I do or why I do, I have no answer to it. I know my days pass like seconds. My months pass in the blink of the eye. But where do they go? I am wasting my time, but I am not responsible. I do not know who to tell. I do not know who to express. Then again do I want to tell? Am I enjoying this state of mine? Do I like this self pity feeling?
Do I seek the truth? If yes, then what truth? What do I seek in life? What is it my destiny holds? Do I die of poverty and grief or do I make it a big illiterate?
I seek many a things in emptiness. I seek happiness. I seek money. I seek power. I seek love. I seek fame. I seek passion. I seek wisdom. But at the end will I get what I want? Will my strange path in life lead to a highway to success or a small mud road to show me a little brook to sit by and enjoy the fineness of life?